He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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