It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I came so hard my ears popped.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
