Someone shit on the floor
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
