oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
