i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
its not stalking. its research.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
