Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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