i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
