you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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