He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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