she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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