Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
how drunk are you?
Several
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
