She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
