Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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