uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
