"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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