so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
