Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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