his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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