It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
