I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I have post one night stand depression
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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