Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
