I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
