5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
