So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
