So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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