miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
