i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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