Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
