I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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