I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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