Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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