Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
