just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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