On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
