please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Randomize
