I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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