you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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