Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
