Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The adults are the big ones right?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
