I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
