I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
