eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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