she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
