my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
