Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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