i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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