Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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