she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
organizing the empties. That sober.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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