I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
