Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
and she was petting her beer can
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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