I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
it's like iHOP with fire
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
