He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
