Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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