remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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