does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
