You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
