i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
