i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
