fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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