My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
