New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
