Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
