His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
