Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
third nipple confirmed
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
