My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I think your dad took our porno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize