I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
