You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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