I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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