Small penises have feelings too.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
