Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
