Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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