I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
