i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
