I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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