I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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