so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
