Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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